My parents went and had a baby in January. There, I said it. That’s why I haven’t been able to write so much. It takes a lot of time to have a baby!
Over the last few months, I think I have become much more aware of how anxious people seem to be about introducing their dogs to a new baby or child. There is so much pre-judgment being done that some dogs aren’t even getting an opportunity to show how they may or may not respond. Every time I hear the words “re-homed” I swell with a thousand questions, but it isn’t my place to pry.
However, I do think I can share my experience and some tips to hopefully set some of the tension at ease and give more pups the chance to have little baby siblings! Of course I will add one disclaimer, not all dogs (no matter the breed) respond well to children. Please always supervise your pets and baby.
1. Pregnancy or “Why is Mom getting fat?”. Our routine didn’t get jolted to a halt the minute Mom found out she was pregnant. We still took walks every night, we still snuggled on the couch and bed the same as we always did. Slowly however, Shami and I began to catch on to the changes. Instinctively, we didn’t jump on her lap any more. In the evenings we would take turns siting with our heads near her belly. This was our way to bond and adjust during the months leading up to his arrival. Mom never pushed us away because she wanted us to get accustomed to the change. When my mom went into labor, we stayed in the area, but gave her a LOT of personal space. A really nice sitter came to stay with us while Mom and Dad went to the hospital, so that we weren’t being uprooted and transferred around in all of the changes.
2. Bringing home baby or “Is this a toy?”. The best advice someone gave to my mom was that when returning from the hospital, she needed to come inside first. Alone. Last time we saw her, she looked and smelled totally different. We need time to check her over, sniff and snuggle and be excited. We also needed to start to smell the baby smells. Mom brought with her the tiny little hat that the nurses had placed on the baby’s slimy head. This sounds gross, but these smells were good for us to take in. They were not washed, soapy smells. After about five minutes, Dad brought in Baby in the carseat. Luckily, he was asleep, and Mom and Dad were able to set him on the coffee table where we could look and smell but not touch.
3. Learning to be gentle or “So, this is not a toy?”. A human needs patience when introducing a dog to a baby. Some dogs are really excited and want to sniff, lick and push a little. Talking in a high-pitched baby voice is only going to incite a frenzy. Other dogs are loners and will keep their distance. If you drag the dog into the room and force him to be near the baby, he might put his guard up. Pay attention to your dog and read THEIR cues.
Shami was immediately what we will call “The Hoverer”. Wherever Baby was, she was there as well. She wasn’t pushing, but she made it known that she was there (except at night, no one messes with Shami’s sleep).
I, on the other hand, took on the role of “Guard Dog”. I watched out the front window a lot in those first few weeks. I slept by the door often. At night, I would always get up with Mom. I didn’t need to be close, and I actually kept my distance a bit, but my patterns definitely changed.
During this time, the best thing that Mom and Dad did for us was trust us. They trusted that we were adjusting how we needed to. They would allow us chances to sniff the baby, the diapers, the blankets, etc., but they never forced. We were never locked away, which can cause stress if a dog feels it needs to guard or protect. We were never expected to be a perfect Nana dog either.
4. Growing and Changing or “Won’t this thing settle down?”. Crying can take a toll on a everyone in the family. Our baby was colicky. He spent almost three months crying from 6 pm to 9 pm every night. Just as Mom and Dad had to learn to handle the stress of a baby’s cries, so did we. Initially, I would start to cry as well. It was a whine, building almost to a howl, but it was my way of handling the sound. Mom and Dad never yelled at me. They would pet me (which made me stop) and let me come close to the baby (which sometimes made him stop).
As Baby got bigger, he got to lay on the floor to exercise. This tested Shami and me because we had to learn what toys were his (hello, have you looked at most baby toys? They are basically dog toys), and we had to learn to be gentle. Again, patience and repeated efforts made this a smooth process. Yes, I chewed up a rattle. Yes, Baby has gotten licked a bunch. This time is always carefully supervised. Baby now has a walker which allows him to move around a little bit more, and we know that soon enough he will be able to walk and chase us. We know this will create new challenges (don’t knock the baby over), but we are up for it.
5. Teaching Baby or “We aren’t the only ones who need to learn, right?”. At five months old, Baby is old enough to start to learn how to treat a dog and behave around them. It is not too early.
I have a lot of hair, and Shami has long beard as well. Baby already is learning not to pull our hair. He might not understand a word, but Mom and Dad watch him with us and when his little hands grabbed a fistful of fur, they would say “no” and disengage his fingers. After only about a week, Baby was touching us with an open palm. There are set back moments where he still gets excited and grabs the hair, but we are careful of our reaction and Mom and Dad are close by to help.
6. Routine or “Can’t we do the things we used to?”. Dogs are habitual. We look forward to activities and structure. One of the most important things for Mom and Dad to continue has been our daily walks (whether it is one of them or both with baby). We are able to get exercise (so important!) and be dogs (sniffing and spraying around the park).
We have adjusted to the baby’s routine. When he sleeps, we settle down for a nap. When he gets a bath, we watch from the side of the tub. When he plays, we crawl close. Again, we are allowed to be close and involved.
More than anything, when introducing your dogs to a new baby, you must be patient. You must know that there will be some good days and bad days. You also need to expect out of your dog what you are putting into the transition. If you do nothing and just get frustrated because your dog didn’t magically adjust over night, you aren’t thinking clearly. Baby will be five months old tomorrow. It has taken five months for us to adjust. Nothing happens over night, but persistence does pay off.
Wet Beards 